Saturday, May 2, 2015

ACW at Ambler: An AAR

Mr. President,

I am writing to inform you about the recent action in Maryland, fought this last Wednesday near the town of Ambler.  Since the serpents in the press have gone on to characterize the battle as a decisive victory for the rebels, I feel that it is my moral and professional obligation to set the record straight.  

Despite my repeated requests for more troops, I had no choice but to engage the enemy at a vast numerical disadvantage.  While some naysayers might estimate the Confederate force as roughly equal in number to our own, my own intelligence reports indicated that the rebels outnumbered us by at least three to one.  Thus, I felt that a quick effort to turn their flank was the best way to win this engagement.

Our boys made a fine sight as they demonstrated against the Rebel center. Endless months of drill served them well. I know that my critics felt that our soldiers' time would have been better spent practicing their marksmanship, but then they would have been denied the magnificent sight of some of our finest regiments storming the woods that anchored the rebel position, hoping to drive out the dismounted cavalry that held it.

On our left, the rebel position was marked by another wooded area, which not only concealed a regiment of infantry, but also the careful fortifications which the rebels had clearly spent months constructing. I realize that this engraving neglects to show these fortifications, but the press is clearly out to destroy my reputation, I assure you. Also, the sun was in our eyes and we could not roll a six to save our lives.

The aptly named General MiddleBrigade valiantly demonstrated against the rebel center, but his hopes of being relieved by the flank attack of General Alexander were clearly dashed when Gen. Alexander's troops found their leisurely game of Base Ball to be of more interest than crushing the Rebellion. I recommend you relieve Gen. Alexander of his command and demote him to a position that suits his talents, like boot scraper.

As you can clearly see, my left had to advance against overwhelming odds. The rebel reinforcements are clearly hidden where only my trained and experienced eye can see them.

Here we see the dastardly rebel commanders disregarding all conventions of civil conduct in their devious attempts to undermine our troops' morale by shooting more accurately than our boys did.

The Confederate General Pilch wonders why his troops have yet to see action. 

After a fierce firefight, we received reports of a sizable but unseen Rebel force moving to our rear. Hence, we decided on a rapid redeployment to the rear in order to protect Washington from a cunning Confederate stratagem.

After we fought the rebels to a standstill, the Confederates chose to declare victory by virtue of their spurious claim to have inflicted three times the casualties that we did and to be holding the battlefield after the last shot was fired. To the contrary, I see this engagement as a glorious victory since it gave so many valiant and loyal Union soldiers a chance to die for their country.

Yours loyal servant,
Gen. Geo. McClellan

In all seriousness, despite the one-sidedness, this was a really fun night of gaming with the Ambler Gamers.  The confederates were able to quickly maneuver into position against a lumbering Union army, and they seemed to have a local advantage wherever we attacked.  Great 28mm minis from Mark's collection, the hospitality of Joe and Olivia, and a lot of laughs as the Union army did their early war best.   PS: I don't really want to demote Joe. He's the best!

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